I have been far too easy on myself over the years. I came to this quasi-epiphany this morning as I sat quietly drinking coffee and very much aware of my aching muscles.
Today it hurt to sit up to get out of bed, that delightful pain from lots of ab work. It hurt to bend over and pick up my book that I'd tossed on the floor the night before, that dull ache from too many push ups. I could feel a reminder of the previous days workout as I reached up to get a glass from the top cupboard. It slowly killed as I tried to sit down at the kitchen table, the pain in my thighs that comes from too many lunges, or just the right amount of lunges, depending how you look at it. The point is, I'm in agony but not the unpleasant kind, rather the kind that demonstrates to me that yes, I kicked some serious ass at the gym.
As I sat there thinking about my aching muscles I tried to think about when I last felt that sore and surprised myself by actually knowing the date. July 28th, in case you're wondering. Now this is not right.. that I can actually pinpoint the last time I was in utter agony post-workout. Of course I've been mildly sore after runs and other times at the gym but I'm talking about that feeling that comes after you've badly beaten up and then viciously killed your body.
I am coming to the slow (and metaphorically painful) realisation that I am being far too nice to myself when I work out. Yes, I can push myself to run farther but I rarely push myself to the breaking point. Yes, I can push myself to do a few extra crunches or push ups or plank for a few more seconds but to the point where I think I'm going to pass out or explode or die? Hardly.
Sometimes I'm just too nice and so I need to get someone else to make me hurt.
The July 28th workout, I was not alone. I was being forced to do dead lifts and squats and even though I was complaining and whining, I did it. If I had been alone, I'd probably have done one half-assed lift and then gone to make myself a smoothie. Having someone watching me, especially if it's someone I kind of want to impress, made me lift that stupid thing and squat lower than I would have normally liked..over and over.
Since joining my new fitness place, I am learning the same thing. Taking part in group strength training workouts, makes me not want to be the wimpy girl in the class. I want to be strong and hardcore and I don't want to wuss out in front of the others and so I push myself until I'm shaking and almost ready to give up. When I want to call it a day, I look at what the others are doing; they are going to a 90 minute cardio class - well if they go, I might as well too. I don't want to be the lazy one in the group.
Realising that sometimes I just don't have it in me to make myself work crazy hard when I'm alone has been enlightening. Sometimes motivation from others is completely necessary.. vital even. I am surprised that I am just learning this now.
But also I'm inspired. If I'm not pushing myself to the limit, I'm wasting my time. Yes, an easy workout is better than no workout out at all but why not give it all I've got when I have the chance?
By being "nice and soft and kind" to my body on a regular basis, I gain nothing(except pounds).. My body is not going to reciprocate anything positive back to me. I need to make it hurt. Yes, I'd love to wrap it up in a blanket and feed it cookies but that's actually not long term kindness.
The human body is an amazing thing. It's strong and it can handle a lot. We can beat it up and then it will recover and let us do it again and again. In fact, it kinda likes it. OK before this metaphor gets out of control, I'll reign it back in by simply saying: it's okay to be tough on ourselves. The point is.. I'm past the point where just working out is enough. It's not enough to just show up. Now it's time to get more serious, more hardcore, to go for the pain. I don't want to be able to remember the exact days I was super sore post-workout because I want that to become the regular. No more Miss Nice Girl. ....My body has no idea what's about to happen to it!
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