I completed C25K exactly one year ago and so in honour of that, I started thinking about my relationship with running over the past year.
Now, as in these days, I seem to be able to say that it's just what I do.. but that wasn't always the case.
When I started C25K a year ago.. I was forcing myself to learn to run because I didn't want to join the gym. My relationship with gyms is a long torrid affair that perhaps I'll expose you to some other time. Anyway running was mainly a means to weightloss and that was about it. I slugged my way around the park three mornings a week and didn't really think much more about it. I ran, I burned calories, I logged it, I lost weight. Running was still somewhat painful and not all that fun but it was a means to an end and the end meant I'd hopefully wind up fit and skinny.
After I finished C25K, I looked for another challenge and learned to run a 10K. I even signed up for a race and ran it in May. I must be honest and say.. I did not enjoy that experience very much. It hurt. Running was a chore. I'll admit that there were moments when I felt quite good and days where I felt almost like a runner but still.. it was something I had to force myself to do. I am quite good at playing tricks on myself and so yes, I downloaded lots of fun songs and bought lots of cute running clothes and faked liking the whole experience. Sometimes I believed my tricks.. somedays I did not. But I clearly remember running that 10K and hating a lot of it... feeling rather heavy and tired and out of energy.
Sometime this fall, a year after I started this whole running business, something just clicked. I can't really explain it except to say that during one random morning run, I suddenly realized that I was happy that I was running. It felt good! No, it felt great! The connection between my body and my mind seemed to cement and suddenly.. I was a runner.
I ran a long distance race a couple weeks ago and for the most part, it was excellent.. just running along with thousands of other people.. being tired but not too tired, pushing myself but not feeling like dying.. I liked it. Yes, I liked it! At the beginning of the month I ran a 10K at the same site where my first 10K was and man! what a different experience. I actually... enjoyed myself. My friends were there and some of us ran together and I could laugh and talk while I ran and still make good time! What a change!
This morning was a cold morning.. the kind of morning where it actually took some amount of discipline to pull myself out from under my two duvets.. I had to work overtime cuing all my lines.. "You'll feel better all day.. Do hard things..You can relax later... You'll hate yourself if you miss it... Go be great..You are tough...Think of the calories!" It was terrible trying to put on my running tights while shivering in my cold bedroom. I put my shoes on and headed outside.. It wasn't pleasant but I knew that eventually it would get better. And you know what? It did.. the right song came on, my feet found their rhythm, my body started to warm up and off I went. I ran and it ended up being a good run. I came home chilled but happy.
I actually do like running and when I'm not running.. sometimes I find myself thinking about running. It could end up becoming a bit of an obsession. I can feel it going that way... and I'm fine with that.
Somewhere along the line I fell in love with running and now it's just what I do.
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